Legal Stuff
You actually clicked on the 'legal stuff' link...?!
Well, welcome to the Classic Expressions Terms & Conditions page - our lawyers made us include it, and made us use up a precious button in our menu to get your here. At first, we thought our lawyers were being a real pain, but then we read the page, and it turns out it's really important stuff...
So, we took the legalese the lawyers wrote, and translated it into plain English - so you've no excuse for not understanding the terms and conditions governing how you may use this website.
Here's the Deal...
We run this website so that people like you can use it for personal entertainment, information, education, communication, and cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you like. You can even download stuff from the site but only for non-commercial, personal use. If you do, though, don't fool around with the copyright and other notices all over the stuff. They're there for a really good reason. And don't even think about distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or anything else uncool with any of the stuff, including the text, images, audio, and video, for public or commercial purposes unless we give you written permission. And it's not likely we will.
If you visit our site, you're also legally obligated to [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions listed below and any other law or regulation that applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or United Kingdom. You shouldn't access or browse the site if you have any problem with that, because once you start, there's no turning back - you are bound by [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions.
While we try to include accurate stuff on this site, we're not promising you it's accurate. In fact, we're not promising you anything except fun and entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site, you're using it at your own risk. Don't call us if there's a problem because we assume no liability or responsibility for errors or omissions on the site.
We and anybody else who helped us create, produce, or deliver the site are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it. In particular, our lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes:
"direct, incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your access to, or use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site is provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.
"Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of implied warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to you. Check your local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding the exclusion of implied warranties."
That's quite a mouthful from the mouthpieces. We put it all in quotes because we couldn't figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers would accept. But here's the bottom line - we're not responsible if you're browsing around and the site damages you or your computer or infects it with any nasty viruses. We hope that doesn't happen, but if it does, don't call us.
For everyone's sake, just assume that everything on the site is copyrighted unless we say it's not. So you can't use the stuff except how we say you can on this page or anywhere else on the site without our written permission. And like we said before, it's not likely we'll give you permission anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto the deal anyway. So it's better if you don't even ask in the first place.
Pictures of people or places shown on the site are either our property or someone else's property we're using with their permission. No matter what, it's definitely not your property. Neither you or any of your net-friends can use it unless we said you could on this page or somewhere else on the site. And guess what - we won't say yes. So be careful, matey, because unauthorised use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the stuff you download to yourself.
There's also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service marks on the site that either we own or we're using with someone else's permission. So don't think you have any kind of license or right to use them, because you don't and we're not about to give you one. If you don't leave them alone and mess with the trademarks, logos and service marks on our site, we'll probably go ballistic, so will the companies that own the other trademarks, logos and service marks. That means that we're likely to ask our lawyers to come after you for messing around with our property or the property of others.
If you don't want the world to know something, don't post it on our site. That's because anything you disclose to us is ours. That's right - ours. So we can do anything we want with the stuff you post. We can reproduce it, disclose it, transmit it, publish it, broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We can even send it to your mother (as soon as we find her address). Not only that, we can even use any ideas, concepts, know-how, or techniques you post any way we want to, including, developing, manufacturing and marketing products or other stuff using the information you post. Not that it's likely, but just know that we could!
You will probably have noticed that we've linked our site to lots of others. While that's cool, it doesn't mean we've looked at all those sites, much less checked them out periodically to see what's going on. So don't blame us if some site you link to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or your pets. Go ahead and click on the link, but remember, you're doing so at your risk.
Oh, and we're also allowed to change this page and anything else on the site any time we want to. That's because it's ours and we have the programmers who can do it. If we do change the page, then you're bound by [read: stuck with] those changes, too, whenever you visit our site.
Taking Further Action...
If either of us wants to make something of it and wants to “sue” (a dirty word) then we have to follow these rules of engagement (it's a bit like abiding by the Geneva Convention):
- This Agreement is governed by the laws of the United Kingdom, without regard to principles of conflict of laws.
- To the extent you have in any manner violated or threatened to violate Classic Expressions/or its affiliates' intellectual property rights, Classic Expressions/or its affiliates may seek injunctive or other appropriate relief in any court in Scotland, United Kingdom, and you consent to exclusive jurisdiction and venue in such courts.
Any other disputes will be resolved as follows:
- If a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree to first try to resolve it with the help of a mutually agreed-upon mediator in Scotland, United Kingdom. Any costs and fees other than fees associated with the mediation will be shared equally by each of us.
- If it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution through mediation, we agree to submit the dispute to binding arbitration in Scotland, United Kingdom, under Scottish Law. Judgment upon the award rendered by the arbitration may be entered in any court with jurisdiction to do so.
If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have seen what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We had to remind them that human torture and sacrifice had long been outlawed in the United Kingdom. Did they look disappointed!